"The Room" revealed

We have yet to name this room.  We don't want to call it a nursery, because that invites the assumption of pregnancy/babies and we're not and don't know the age of our first placement.  It's not called "The Kid's Room" mostly because I don't like the term 'kid'.  I think it all started in kindergarten when my teacher told me that kids were goats or something like that.  I don't want to call it the "foster" room because I feel like that separates them from the family.  Like I'm leading a tour and saying, "That's the guest bedroom, and here's the foster room.  That's where our foster kids stay."  Oops- I said the 'k' word.  Cross that out.

Anyway, it has affectionately been titled, "The Room".

"Les, where should I put this car seat your friend gave us?"
"Oh, go put it in the room."

And we both know what I'm talking about.  If you have any ideas for what to call this room, please share.  We're lacking in originality.

This past week, D and I have been busy installing hardwood flooring in our living room area.  D has been working on refinancing our house since interest rates are considerably lower than when we bought (almost) 3 years ago.  We wanted to make sure our house appraised high enough and since hardwood floors have been on my wish list for, oh, about 3 years, we decided to take the plunge and do our first major home improvement project since we moved in.  My sister wanted to see pictures of it all finished so I stole D's phone this evening and took pictures.


Wait, weren't you just talking about the room?  Why are we now talking about new hardwood floors?  I want to see the room!

I know, I got a little sidetracked with my story.  I'll blame that on my other sister who tells the longest stories that sometimes always have a point. 

Since I was taking pictures of the living room, I also snapped a few of The Room and thought I'd share them with you.

 Sorry the lighting isn't the best.  They were taken with at night with an iPhone, so the quality isn't the greatest.  But hopefully you get the picture.

And seriously, if you have a name for The Room- please let me know. 

Survivor- Christmas Edition

I've never been so thankful for family drama.

It kept my mind off the sadness I've been feeling lately- of spending another Christmas as a family of two.

I survived Christmas 2010! Now on to 2011... please let this be our year.

Procrastinating

This week has been exhausting! And it's only Tuesday. Today when I got home from school, I collapsed on the couch. And haven't gotten up yet. Thankfully, D knows how to cook a delicious breakfast dinner. Because that's what I sweet-talked him into doing.

And now he's doing the dishes!

I should use the energy I've saved from not having to cook dinner or clean up afterward to cross some items off my to-do list. Like our Christmas cards. Or finishing getting started wrapping gifts. But instead, I'm blogging. Checking face.book. Reading another article about Muschamp going to Florida (holds back tears). Looking at my to-do list to see if anything has checked itself off. Nope!

As always happens this time of the year, but especially this year, I've spent a lot of time looking back to where we were last year. In the midst of the toughest months of our lives. But I also like to think back to the years before that. Because we didn't always have problems identifying ourselves by our infertility. We were a hopeful couple-innocent, naive- to the journey that was ahead of us. Which is why I'm so glad we did this last year:

photo taken by my talented sister-in-law

No, we're not professional ice skaters (as if you needed help figuring that out). And yes, D did get teased by some of our friends about the photos. These are the pictures we sent out in our Christmas cards last year. Was this the happiest time of our life? No. But having these pictures captured that even in those difficult times, when we weren't sure if we would be able to have a biological family, that we could still have fun together. That we did still have fun together. That what was happening in our calendars- the appointments, referrals, and additional appointments- did not define who we were.

At the end of the day, we were still D and Les. A (self-proclaimed) fun-loving couple.

And I'm off to finish the dishes D left for me to do. :)

see you later

Today I say good-bye to my homeroom mom-turned-sarcastic friend-turned amazing source of advice and support through this whole stinky journey. Her husband is taking a job in Minnesota, so they are moving there over Christmas break.

I can still remember one of the first times I met with her, before the school year started, and after talking about events, sign-up sheets, etc., the conversation turned to how she and her husband adopted their daughter (my future student) from China. I remember telling her how I felt God had placed adoption on my heart, and more specifically, China. She probably heard people tell her that all the time, and I can remember thinking, "She doesn't believe me." D and I had started trying to start our family two months before this meeting.

Fast forward a year and a half

Remember this post from January? She was the face.book friend who sent me the adoption conference invitation. I said it then, but I'll say it again. She had no idea that we were having issues starting a family. In fact, we hadn't even talked about adoption since that first meeting. But she sent the invitation. And we accepted. It sounds so cliche, but our lives are forever changed.

A,
Thank you so much for your support, your prayers, your encouragement, your courage to ask tough questions. Thank you for being someone in the flesh who understands what we're going through. What I'm going through. Thank you for caring, for making me laugh, for joining me in my sarcastic ways. I am so grateful for being able to call you my friend. And this is no good-bye. Just a see you later.
Les

This is a dumb question, but anyone else having holiday blues? I've made it harder on myself by truly believing that this Christmas would be different. And it's not. And that's so hard. It's been a long time since IF has made me cry, but I've been shedding many a tear lately.

I'm praying for each and every one of you- those that are still on this side and those that have crossed to the other side, because I know sometimes, even that can't heal IF.

Year In Review

My Co-Workers Rock!

a party for us
celebrating our journey
waiting for the call

The party was amazing. I am so grateful to work in a place where I feel close as family to many of my coworkers. The invitation asked for gift cards to be given in place of the normal baby shower gifts- since we don't know the age or gender of the child we'll be taking care of and we didn't want the shower to be specific to one child that might only be with us for a few days/weeks. Everyone was so generous and even more special were the notes they wrote in their cards. I've decided to keep the notes in some type of book as a memento. Their words were more encouraging than they'll probably ever know.

And that rocking chair in the picture above? Yeah, it's been on my wish list since I first saw it here last Spring... before I knew I would be decorating a nursery so soon. And three very special friends had it waiting for me at the party today. I think when I saw it, I reverted back to my childhood way of shaking my hands and jumping up and down from excitement. Just think, if I get that excited over a chair, what will I do when we get the call and take our first placement? There will be tears of joy!

And lots of jumping up and down.

What the heck- I'll probably run a few laps around the house, too. You know, to get in shape for keeping up with a baby. ;)

haiku and bullets

Three weeks till Christmas (break)
Foster shower tomorrow
Things are looking up!

• I've been trying really hard to find contentment in the here and now. I have a bad habit of wishing days, weeks, months away. And I don't want to look back on this time and not have any lasting memories. Yes, I know my haiku really goes against what I just wrote. But a girl has to be excited about something, right?

• I did not want to wake up this morning. I wanted to sleep the day away. Never mind those kindergarten students who are eager to talk to their friends learn. I wanted to pull the covers back over my head and sleep till my body told me to wake up, not the radio playing on our alarm. But I found myself repeating, "This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." And I got up. After hitting the snooze button. Twice.

• We were (almost)parents... our first placement call came a week ago for a 1 month-old and 2 1/2 year-old. While it was a heartbreaking decision to make, we had to tell them no. At this point, with no parenting experience at all, that seemed like a lot to take on. We are licensed to take sibling groups, but have really been hoping and praying that we could start out with a single child. The call came the day after my birthday while we were on our way to my parents' house to celebrate with a few of my siblings. Needless to say, after turning them down I cried off and on the rest of the way while D was silent. The placement coordinator was really sweet and reassured me that they "would get us a kiddo soon," but our decision has weighed heavily on my mind ever since.

My (not a chance!) Christmas List:

• These boots
  

• This new camera to document our foster parent journey
  

• This crafty cutting machine that would make projects so easy and fun!
  

Hey, a girl can dream!

On my 25th birthday...

...which also happens to take place Thanksgiving week, I'm so thankful that:

I've got a great husband of 6 1/2 years who has been my best friend through some really tough times.
I've got a great support system of friends, who I can call on at any time, even when I've forgotten football tickets at home and still want to go to the game an hour late or when I get the itch to make a new wreath.
I've got a great family that I'm going to celebrate with tomorrow and meet my newest niece! My sisters are some of my best friends- I love spending time with them.
I've got awesome in-laws who are taking us out for dinner tonight. But that's not the only reason they're awesome. They have been such an encouragement.
I've got a sister-in-law who doubles as a really good friend.
I've got a home that I love, in a neighborhood that I don't ever want to leave, in the suburb of a city that loves being weird. ;)
I've got a job that is tough and challenging, but I don't know what I would do without my 5 and 6 year-old friends.
I wake up every morning with the hope that today, I could become a parent.

What are you thankful for?

This Week's Top Ten

10. Celebrated my birthday at the faculty meeting
9. One of my student's solved a problem on his own... using my words! It was so cute.
8. Same student informed me it was time to change another student's color... he's a clever one. He was just happy it wasn't him needing to change his color!
7. Longhorn basketball! We beat Illinois last night, but lost to Pitt tonight. The team is young, but they're playing their hearts out... maybe our football team can take notes?
6. Speaking of football, D and I are going to see them play FAU tomorrow. One of my student's parents gave us tickets for my birthday.
5. I got bacon for my birthday... haha. That's gonna need an explanation, isn't it? Every Friday, my students and I have a conversation about the things you get to do on Saturday that you don't on school days... basically, sleep in, watch cartoons, and eat a big breakfast. I always joke with them and tell them that if they have bacon for breakfast Saturday morning, they are to call me and invite me over. So today one of my students walks in with his gift for me- and it's a package of bacon! It took me a few minutes to figure it out, but once I did, I laughed so hard.
4. My class blessed me with lots of good gift cards, balloons, flowers, etc. They really made me feel special.
3. One of my parents brought me lunch from Chick fil-a. Yum!
2. My close friends at work are throwing me a gift card foster/adopt shower. I got the evite yesterday and immediately felt so loved. The rsvps contained some of the sweetest comments. I'm really grateful for the family-like environment of my school.
1. We submitted our home study for a child who is available for adoption. Ahh! We're not getting our hopes up at all because families all over the state will be submitting theirs as well, but the one thing we have working for us is that the office released the details of the child yesterday and home studies were due today. I say all that, and then have to remind myself that we are totally trusting God on this. As we were sitting by the computer last night, looking at the child's picture and trying to figure out what to do, D finally said, "Les, if this is the child God has for us, then we'll get it. If not, we won't. Let's just submit it." Okay!

Oh yeah- and Thanksgiving break starts Monday! Happy Thanksgiving!

A Quarter in a Week

Four days and counting until Thanksgiving break. My school takes a week off for Thanksgiving, and for that, I am so thankful! :) And a week from today, I'll celebrate my 25th birthday. I might have told my students that they were the only class to get the whole week off since my birthday is on that Monday. I thought they only believed me for about half a second, but today when I asked again why we were taking the whole week off, one said, "For your birthday!" hehe.

As the holiday season rolls around again, I remember how I felt last year. How I just wanted to skip over the holidays. And family gatherings. And this year, while most of those around us know what's going on, I set an expectation of being parents this holiday season. In case you haven't noticed, we're not. I'll be the first to admit, I can throw a pretty good pity party for myself. But I also know that parenting is only a phone call away. So I'm trying to be content with this time we have together. To be grateful for each extra weekend we get to sleep in. For being able to come home and blog without interruption. For Friday night dinner out with friends.

And this Thanksgiving, I'm thankful that we know. That we're no longer searching for answers. That I'm no longer on the monthly roller coaster. I'm thankful for the opportunities we're going to have to care for a child, to love them, to welcome them into our home. Our family. Our hearts. And I'm praying for those out there who are searching for answers right now.

National Adoption Month

I'm sorry for being gone from my blog for so long... I've had a crazy week that I'll have to write about in different posts. But for today, I just want to bring attention to November being National Adoption Month. Adoption has always been in the question (in that it wasn't out of the question) as far as building our family. Even before the whole IF stuff.

And it's November. Which is my birthday month. So that makes this even cooler. In case you were wondering...

In the beginning, I thought adoption for our family would mean international in addition to our biological children. While that's not the path we're currently on, this video really speaks to me.

License to...

foster! We got the call today that we are officially licensed for foster care! I immediately started jumping up and down in my classroom and then went running to some of my teammates' rooms to tell them the news. After all that, I realized in my excitement that I hadn't told D yet, so I rushed back to call him. We're both so excited, but terrified at the same time. As D said tonight, "Les, usually you get nine months to get used to the idea of being a father. But now, I could become a dad overnight."

Yes, D, you could.

And I can become a mom.

This Time

This time last year, I was innocent. Naive, you might even say. D and I were living it up! Finally, we could afford to do things we wanted to do... like Texas football games. And eating out when I didn't feel like cooking. Buying an article of clothing because I wanted it, not necessarily needing it. Continuing to make our house a home with countless trips to Target, Pier 1, and the occasional Pottery Barn (outlet, of course- we still weren't made of money!) trip.

At the same time, we had been trying to start a family for over a year. We were desperate to see those two lines, hear the heartbeat, hold our little one in our arms. And we hadn't experienced this yet. We were confused. Isn't this supposed to be the easy part? Isn't this what we've been trying to prevent all these years, only to find out it's not as simple as we once thought?

So we went searching for answers.

And this time last year, we got our first answer. Which led us to many other questions. And answers that left us still wondering if this would ever happen for us. Seven months of drawn out doctor's appointments. Nervously sitting in the waiting room. Dealing with the shame you feel thinking that people know why you're there, that somehow you're a second-class citizen, embarrassed to be the youngest people waiting to see a urologist.

But this year is different.
We're still waiting, but to be licensed foster parents.
We're still nervous, but about the child we're going to have in our home.
We no longer think that we're second-class citizens- we're just building our family differently than others.

And when we have our money saved up and feel ready to tackle IVF, we'll proudly be the young patients waiting to see the urologist.

Muffins with Mom

photo taken by my wonderful homeroom mom

Yesterday, my class invited their moms to have breakfast with us. They made a cute gift for them using their fingerprints and then told me things about their mom, which I read to the group. It's so funny to hear how old they think their moms are. The "youngest" mom was 5 while the "oldest" was 69. Of course the moms are no where close to these ages, so everyone got a laugh out of it.

I debated sharing our "almost" foster news with the group ( I mean, what better time than when we're celebrating how special our moms are?), but I decided since I've waited this long, I can wait a little longer.

And since we're all so anxious to one day become moms, how about a laugh at some of the ridiculous things out there for parents to buy for their child?

Who doesn't want ultrasound cuff links?

Raising germophobes from an early age... I actually have a friend who would probably buy these. I've joked about getting her the purse size Lysol can.

Really? Really! Dis.gust.ing. For the child who wants to cuddle with their bodily functions...

Not just any teddy bear... a bear made out of placenta!

Because taking the knife out of the drawer to cut the hot dog would just be too much!

Have a great weekend!

Foster is Our Middle Name

(almost)!

We got a call this evening from our AFS who was so sweet to get permission from her supervisor to update us on the process since it's (apparently) been a longer process than usual. She said we've passed the first round and now the state director just has to sign off on us, which should *fingers crossed* happen early next week. Thankfully, she also told us that there's no reason they wouldn't partner with us, so at this point in the conversation, I feel like we're sitting pretty good.

Then she dropped a bomb.

I don't want to be dramatic, but when she told us that they had a placement that day that they "heavily considered us for", my jaw almost hit the floor. She also said that we are talked about a lot in the office, which I feel is a good thing. If they're talking about us, then they'll be thinking about us for placements.

*sings* I'm so excited! I just can't hide it!

Oh my goodness. We're so close to becoming parents. Eeeek!

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

The good: I had a relaxing weekend at home. Well, relaxing except during the Texas-OU game, but we had friends over and we were all able to keep our sense of humor over the play calling of the game. This is a huge improvement for me- I would normally be so nervous, anxious, etc. that my friends and D have joked about putting me on some type of medicine to calm me down. Anyway, my fall decorations are up, laundry is done and put away, and my house is clean. I should be ready to start the week.

The bad: Key word in sentence above: "should". Tomorrow is Monday. And I don't want to go to school. My class is tough. Really tough. And sometimes I feel like all I'm doing is baby-sitting. Which is fine in a daycare. But not at school. I think I'm going to talk to my principal this week and see if I can get any extra help. She's been really supportive of us during the whole foster care stuff and frequently stops me in the hall to ask for updates. So hopefully she'll find some help for me.

The ugly: my toes. No really, they are. I painted them a navy blue last Friday, but it doesn't look blue at all. It's black. And while black can look really cute on some girls' toes (case in point- my sister-in-law), it does not look cute on mine. Now it's chipping, so I look like a leftover from Halloween. Speaking of Halloween, I don't even want to write this because then it probably won't happen- but I'm really hoping we have a placement before then so D and I can take them trick or treating this year. Or if they're too little, at least get a cute Halloween outfit.

Fingers crossed that we hear something this week!

Two Day Vacation... Not!

That's right. I had a two day vacation, relaxing at home with a stomach bug Tuesday and Wednesday. After eating crackers and drinking Sprite for two days, I was so glad to finally be able to eat real food last night for dinner. And today, it was back to school for me. Did my class take it easy on me... thinking it might be nice to ease the teacher back into the craziness? In a word- nope. And somehow I actually woke up this morning, excited to see my kids again. That lasted until about 9:15 when I was shooing them out the door for their morning recess (which my aid so graciously did my duty for me). The day was awful and I'm exhausted.

But let's not dwell on that. Thankfully, tomorrow's Friday (jean day!) and I always treat myself to Chick fil-a for lunch. Those two things already make the day 100x better!

While I was at home sick on Wednesday, our AFS called and told me she should have good news for us "very, very soon." I'm so anxious just to know if we're licensed. In other good news, they also asked us if we would be willing to baby-sit a one year-old this Saturday while the foster parents attend an adoption conference. We happily agreed, but found out today they will actually be able to access childcare through the conference. The good part about the whole situation is that, as D put it, "Les, they wouldn't ask us to take care of a foster child if they were going to reject us and not license us." Which is true. So that has calmed my fears of not getting licensed.

Plans for this weekend include watching the Red River Rivalry game with friends on Saturday (not looking forward to the outcome of that one), possibly going to see Social Network (it just seems right to do since I was a freshman in college when facebook opened to other colleges), and getting my house all Fall-ified! From pumpkins, to garland on the mantel, to a new fall wreath to grace my door, my house should definitely put me in the mood for a new season! Happy Fall!

Master Bedroom

Today at Kelly's Korner, Kelly is hosting a home tour featuring master bedrooms. I normally don't participate in these tours, but I actually have pictures of our master bedroom makeover that I did last summer on the computer, so I figured it would be easy to post.

Here are some pictures before the change:

Very Texas. Very rustic. So not me anymore.

The furniture is pine, which equals cheap, which is all a newly married college couple can afford.

But we eventually graduated. Then we got jobs, like real jobs. And bought a house. It was time for a change. Out with the Texas star, in with a more modern look.

I made the pillow covers.

And the black metal art hanging over the bed- yeah, those were white chargers from Target that I found on clearance and spray-painted them black.

Oops- the lamps in these pictures are no longer. I found cute lamp shades from Target (also on clearance) that are green and yellow floral print that work much better than the suede look.

The dresser with some fun green accents (there are green apples in the basket).

And my "Go Green" wall art (two canvases covered in this cool fabric I got at a local fabric store).

That's it! Happy Friday!

Tag! You're It!

Thanks Julie for the tag! This is my first tag! :) I answer her 8 questions, then come up with my own 8 questions and tag 8 more people. Here goes...

1. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
Telluride, CO- It's this quaint little town at the base of the mountains in Colorado that we visited this summer. It was so beautiful in the summer so I can only imagine what it looks like in the winter. And riding the gondola into town would be an awesome commute!

2. If you could have one magical item granted to you, what would the item be and what would it do? (I ask this to my students. I love the answers!)
I would have magical transport machine that would take me to the destination of my choice any given weekend and have me back to teach kindergarten on Monday. I can imagine it now... weekend trips to all my dream destinations! Oh yeah, and it would need to also do laundry. I'm not doing that after a long weekend trip to Australia!

3. If you could have dinner with one person from history, who would it be? (And where would you take them?)
I've had a really hard time with this question. I'm going to say President JFK. I've always been fascinated with him, his life, his death, and the potential he had to be one of the greatest presidents. Plus (this might sound really morbid) but he died on my birthday... about 20 something years before, of course. But still, I feel this connection. So I'd really like to meet him. I have no idea where I would take him... I'm thinking anywhere in Texas might not be agreeable to him, though.

4. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?
Bluebell Birthday Cake!

5. If you were only allowed to watch 3 movies for the rest of your life, what would they be?
Let's see. I'm going to pick from three different movie genres, so I'll take Crash for the drama, The Other Guys for comedy, and Annie the Musical just because it takes me back to my childhood.

6. Would you rather be a wizard or a vampire?
Hmm... while I'm a Twilight fan, I think I'd be a wizard to avoid the diet of vampires. But I'd have to ditch the outfit of the wizard... cone hats don't look good on me. ;)

7. What is your favorite quote, and who said it?
From Helen Keller: "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." A very fitting quote for this blog.

8. If you were offered a job you knew you would hate every second of, but they offered you a million dollars, would you take it?
I'd love to think I could handle a job I hated for the money, but I'd much rather like what I do. I mean, I am a teacher... not the highest paid profession, but I love doing what I do!

Now here are my eight questions:

1. Favorite snack at the movies- candy or popcorn?
2. Who is someone you look up to and why?
3. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?
4. Glass half-full or glass half-empty?
5. What's your favorite season of the year and why?
6. Describe your perfect date night.
7. When was the last time you were out of your comfort zone?
   
8. Wal-Mart or Target?

I'm tagging:
Penny
Mandy
Denver Laura
LJ
Kellie

I know that's only 5, but the other ones I would tag would be Rach and Foxy (who have both already been tagged) and then I'd re-tag Julie. *evil laugh* ;)

A post in which I make no sense

Even though I feel like we're so close to finally being parents, there are still so many things I struggle with because of infertility. Insecurities, mostly.

After we visited more day care centers a few weeks ago, I told D that while we were meeting with each director and were treated so nicely by them, I was struggling inside with this battle going on. I don't know if I'm going to be able to describe it in a way that really makes sense, but I'll try. Here goes...

For the past two years (and honestly, probably even before that) I have made myself feel very uncomfortable around most pregnant women, small children (I know what you're thinking- aren't you a kindergarten teacher? For some reason, that's different.), situations where parenting would come up and I might have to engage in conversation, etc. Even cute kids in restaurants made me feel uncomfortable. It's like, I lost the ability to treat these situations as normal. They were no longer that. Instead, they were anxiety-inducing. They were things that I went out of my way to avoid. Like a few weeks ago when we went out to eat with D's family for his mom's birthday and his cousin was there with his new baby. Instead of feeling excited for them and being thrilled to see the newest addition for the first time, the only thing I could think about was, "What am I supposed to do? Is everyone looking at me? Do they notice how awkward I feel?" So needless to say, the whole time we were in the day cares, I still felt uncomfortable. Like I wasn't supposed to be there. Like someone was about to tell me, "You're not a parent. You're not even pregnant. Why are you looking at day cares?" And it wasn't just an uncomfortable feeling. It was a feeling of dread. A feeling like this whole dream would come crashing down at our feet.

When we were driving home, I told D about this. And he understood. (Isn't it funny how sometimes we think-or at least I do- that our spouse is somehow immune to the feelings/anxieties that we experience?) We talked about how hard some of the things we've been through have been. The months of not knowing what was wrong. The months of trying to find out what's wrong. The figuring out what to do about what's wrong. But through it all, we never want to forget. We don't want to be that couple that- God-willing- starts building their family and loses sight of the pain and struggle we've endured. And while there are daily reminders now that we may not experience all we want to experience as far as our family goes, these will start to fade as well. Things like we may not ever have a regular baby shower. We may never pick out names for our children. We may never know what a child with our genetic makeup would look like. Act like. Be like. Become.

But at the same time, (you might think I'm sick to say this) I'm thankful for this journey. I'm thankful for the opportunity to grow in our marriage, in my faith, in my witness. Don't get me wrong- there are still times of bitterness. Of heartache. Deep, painful heartache. And as you know, those aren't just words. The pain that I feel just writing those lives up to the magnitude of the word. But I'm thankful to be feeling those feelings after such a long period of numbing myself. I'm thankful to be dealing with those emotions. And I'm thankful for the opportunity to be used because of what I've come through and am still wading through. I don't want my pain, our pain, to go to waste.

But what I do want... is to remember also what normal is like. I want to feel comfortable in parenting circles. I want to attend a baby shower without a second thought. I want to walk past maternity clothes without getting a knot in my stomach. To sum this whole confusing post up, I want to remember all I've gone through while also being able to function normally when it comes to babies. Does that make sense? Does anyone else have these conflicting feelings of who they want to become?

Still here. Still waiting.

Life has been busy. My kindergarten class is definitely one of a kind. They are energetic and spirited. Talkative and funny. Moments of sweetness and moments of "oh my goodness, how do I get them to stop?!" At the end of the day, my only thoughts are of getting home. My place of quiet. My escape from countless callings of "Mrs. B". And for the hour or two that I have before D gets home, it's pretty quiet. Sometimes I'll have the tv turned on, but the volume is turned way down. Right now, I'm listening to my iTunes and it's really helping me to de-stress. I smile thinking that *hopefully* this quiet won't last much longer and the sounds of a little one will fill my afternoon and evening. Even though I'm exhausted right now, I can't wait to be spending this time with our child.

We still haven't heard anything from our agency. I emailed today just to see if our AFS could give us an update, but haven't heard back yet. I'm not sure she could tell us anything anyway, but it made me feel better to have contacted her.

The room is finished! But my camera has been acting up, so I haven't gotten any good pictures of it. Once I do, I can't wait to share them! I've had so much fun putting this room together and it's really brought out a desire to do more crafty things.

Wednesday is the first day of Fall. I love fall. The pumpkins on porches, the cool mornings and evenings, anything with Pumpkin Spice. I love the way fall smells, tastes, and feels. I'm ready for a change of weather!

Diamonds and Diapers and Daycares!

Did I get your attention? Ok, so not really about the diamond part. Or the diaper part. But the daycare search has started!

Our AFS (the girl who did our home study) told us to use the weeks while we wait for approval to visit day cares so we have something lined up when the call comes. Last week, I started calling several places that accept CCMS (which basically means that they take... actually, I don't know what it means except that the state pays for the day care of the child). Of the five (that passed the research test that I put them through) that I called, four of them had no open CCMS slots. We still have set up tours with them because we feel like we would rather put the child in a place we really like and wait for a CCMS slot to open up rather than put them in an "okay" place.

Today was our first tour with a day care that is literally 2-3 blocks away from our house and the school where I work. We were both really nervous that once the place found out we were hopeful foster parents who asked about CCMS, we wouldn't be treated very nicely and kinda brushed aside. But this place didn't do that! They were super-friendly, have great security and even have the cameras where you can log on from your computer and watch what's going on. A water park, baby sign language, and great facilities...needless to say, I'm pretty sold on this place. But (there's always a but, isn't there?) it's on the pricey side, so we'll just have to wait and see what the other two are like. We have those tours set up for tomorrow.

At one point during the meeting with the director of the day care today, she suggested coming to curriculum nights the following week where we could visit with the teachers and learn about what the day looks like, as well as meet other parents. When she said that last line, believe me, I took notice. Whoa! Other parents? Like, myself included? We're considered parents?! It gave me this warm, fuzzy feeling at once, which then turned into a bundle of nerves. Aaaah! We're (hopefully) going to be responsible for another human being!

School Begins and Z Meeting

Kindergarten began again on Monday. Boy, do I have an interesting class! They are going to go down in the books- that's for sure! We had a rough first day, yesterday was better, but today was more of the same behavior from Monday. I do love a challenge, though. I think that's part of being a teacher.

Today, one little boy asked me if I had any kids. When I told him I didn't, he responded, "You should work on that." I had to walk away to keep him from seeing me laughing. Oh, kids do say the darnedest.

Tonight J hopes to meet with Z to find out what her plans are for her baby/ if she's made plans. She should almost be 3 months along. I'm really praying that she comes to grips with the situation and won't continue to live in denial. J said he would let us know how it goes...

I'm a month ahead in my lesson planning and plan to continue to stay ahead so that if/when we get the call to foster, I'll be able to take some time off without having to rush and make lesson plans.

Tonight we're going out to eat to celebrate a friend's birthday... which means I don't have to cook! Which makes me a very happy lady! (It's the little things, I know.)

This post was kinda all over the place. Sorry! Hope you're having a great week!

Brain. Dead.

We had our home study yesterday. It started at 1:00 in the afternoon. The representative from our agency left at 8:00 last night. Needless to say, it was a long and exhausting interview. The joint interview took 3 1/2 hours and then we each did an individual interview which lasted about 1 1/2 - 2 hours a piece.

So many have asked what kind of questions could be asked where an interview would take 7 hours... our answer: We have no idea. Really. There are a few questions we remember, but for the most part, the interviews are a blur. When she left last night, we went to our favorite burger place, came home, and were asleep by 10.

We're both so glad that the home study is over and done. Now, the hard part- waiting! We'll know in about a month whether they decide to partner with us and license us. Then -finally!- the fun part. Parenting!