Results

Well, D received a phone call today from my doctor with the results from his test. Needless to say, they weren't good. He called me in tears. In the 9 years we've been together, I have never felt so helpless. I just wanted to hug him.

My doctor says that it could be a fluke, but she wants him to see a urologist to have more testing done. I'm not sure when that will happen, but hopefully soon.

It's weird, but I've had a feeling that this is how it would turn out. And I thought I was going to be really upset at the prospect of never being pregnant. But all I could think about was that D wouldn't be able to pass on his great personality, his athletic abilities, his blond hair and bright blue eyes... it's like I'm mourning the loss of a child that never existed.

I'm pretty sure we won't go down the donor road, so it stands to reason that I would be upset that my traits wouldn't be passed on. But for some reason, I can handle that.

I have felt for some time that we were to adopt, whether we could have kids of our own or not. So adoption is definitely the way we would want to go.

But this journey's not over. We'll have more appointments and tests run just to be sure. Please keep us in your prayers.