This Time

This time last year, I was innocent. Naive, you might even say. D and I were living it up! Finally, we could afford to do things we wanted to do... like Texas football games. And eating out when I didn't feel like cooking. Buying an article of clothing because I wanted it, not necessarily needing it. Continuing to make our house a home with countless trips to Target, Pier 1, and the occasional Pottery Barn (outlet, of course- we still weren't made of money!) trip.

At the same time, we had been trying to start a family for over a year. We were desperate to see those two lines, hear the heartbeat, hold our little one in our arms. And we hadn't experienced this yet. We were confused. Isn't this supposed to be the easy part? Isn't this what we've been trying to prevent all these years, only to find out it's not as simple as we once thought?

So we went searching for answers.

And this time last year, we got our first answer. Which led us to many other questions. And answers that left us still wondering if this would ever happen for us. Seven months of drawn out doctor's appointments. Nervously sitting in the waiting room. Dealing with the shame you feel thinking that people know why you're there, that somehow you're a second-class citizen, embarrassed to be the youngest people waiting to see a urologist.

But this year is different.
We're still waiting, but to be licensed foster parents.
We're still nervous, but about the child we're going to have in our home.
We no longer think that we're second-class citizens- we're just building our family differently than others.

And when we have our money saved up and feel ready to tackle IVF, we'll proudly be the young patients waiting to see the urologist.