Muffins with Mom

photo taken by my wonderful homeroom mom

Yesterday, my class invited their moms to have breakfast with us. They made a cute gift for them using their fingerprints and then told me things about their mom, which I read to the group. It's so funny to hear how old they think their moms are. The "youngest" mom was 5 while the "oldest" was 69. Of course the moms are no where close to these ages, so everyone got a laugh out of it.

I debated sharing our "almost" foster news with the group ( I mean, what better time than when we're celebrating how special our moms are?), but I decided since I've waited this long, I can wait a little longer.

And since we're all so anxious to one day become moms, how about a laugh at some of the ridiculous things out there for parents to buy for their child?

Who doesn't want ultrasound cuff links?

Raising germophobes from an early age... I actually have a friend who would probably buy these. I've joked about getting her the purse size Lysol can.

Really? Really! Dis.gust.ing. For the child who wants to cuddle with their bodily functions...

Not just any teddy bear... a bear made out of placenta!

Because taking the knife out of the drawer to cut the hot dog would just be too much!

Have a great weekend!

Foster is Our Middle Name

(almost)!

We got a call this evening from our AFS who was so sweet to get permission from her supervisor to update us on the process since it's (apparently) been a longer process than usual. She said we've passed the first round and now the state director just has to sign off on us, which should *fingers crossed* happen early next week. Thankfully, she also told us that there's no reason they wouldn't partner with us, so at this point in the conversation, I feel like we're sitting pretty good.

Then she dropped a bomb.

I don't want to be dramatic, but when she told us that they had a placement that day that they "heavily considered us for", my jaw almost hit the floor. She also said that we are talked about a lot in the office, which I feel is a good thing. If they're talking about us, then they'll be thinking about us for placements.

*sings* I'm so excited! I just can't hide it!

Oh my goodness. We're so close to becoming parents. Eeeek!

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

The good: I had a relaxing weekend at home. Well, relaxing except during the Texas-OU game, but we had friends over and we were all able to keep our sense of humor over the play calling of the game. This is a huge improvement for me- I would normally be so nervous, anxious, etc. that my friends and D have joked about putting me on some type of medicine to calm me down. Anyway, my fall decorations are up, laundry is done and put away, and my house is clean. I should be ready to start the week.

The bad: Key word in sentence above: "should". Tomorrow is Monday. And I don't want to go to school. My class is tough. Really tough. And sometimes I feel like all I'm doing is baby-sitting. Which is fine in a daycare. But not at school. I think I'm going to talk to my principal this week and see if I can get any extra help. She's been really supportive of us during the whole foster care stuff and frequently stops me in the hall to ask for updates. So hopefully she'll find some help for me.

The ugly: my toes. No really, they are. I painted them a navy blue last Friday, but it doesn't look blue at all. It's black. And while black can look really cute on some girls' toes (case in point- my sister-in-law), it does not look cute on mine. Now it's chipping, so I look like a leftover from Halloween. Speaking of Halloween, I don't even want to write this because then it probably won't happen- but I'm really hoping we have a placement before then so D and I can take them trick or treating this year. Or if they're too little, at least get a cute Halloween outfit.

Fingers crossed that we hear something this week!

Two Day Vacation... Not!

That's right. I had a two day vacation, relaxing at home with a stomach bug Tuesday and Wednesday. After eating crackers and drinking Sprite for two days, I was so glad to finally be able to eat real food last night for dinner. And today, it was back to school for me. Did my class take it easy on me... thinking it might be nice to ease the teacher back into the craziness? In a word- nope. And somehow I actually woke up this morning, excited to see my kids again. That lasted until about 9:15 when I was shooing them out the door for their morning recess (which my aid so graciously did my duty for me). The day was awful and I'm exhausted.

But let's not dwell on that. Thankfully, tomorrow's Friday (jean day!) and I always treat myself to Chick fil-a for lunch. Those two things already make the day 100x better!

While I was at home sick on Wednesday, our AFS called and told me she should have good news for us "very, very soon." I'm so anxious just to know if we're licensed. In other good news, they also asked us if we would be willing to baby-sit a one year-old this Saturday while the foster parents attend an adoption conference. We happily agreed, but found out today they will actually be able to access childcare through the conference. The good part about the whole situation is that, as D put it, "Les, they wouldn't ask us to take care of a foster child if they were going to reject us and not license us." Which is true. So that has calmed my fears of not getting licensed.

Plans for this weekend include watching the Red River Rivalry game with friends on Saturday (not looking forward to the outcome of that one), possibly going to see Social Network (it just seems right to do since I was a freshman in college when facebook opened to other colleges), and getting my house all Fall-ified! From pumpkins, to garland on the mantel, to a new fall wreath to grace my door, my house should definitely put me in the mood for a new season! Happy Fall!

Master Bedroom

Today at Kelly's Korner, Kelly is hosting a home tour featuring master bedrooms. I normally don't participate in these tours, but I actually have pictures of our master bedroom makeover that I did last summer on the computer, so I figured it would be easy to post.

Here are some pictures before the change:

Very Texas. Very rustic. So not me anymore.

The furniture is pine, which equals cheap, which is all a newly married college couple can afford.

But we eventually graduated. Then we got jobs, like real jobs. And bought a house. It was time for a change. Out with the Texas star, in with a more modern look.

I made the pillow covers.

And the black metal art hanging over the bed- yeah, those were white chargers from Target that I found on clearance and spray-painted them black.

Oops- the lamps in these pictures are no longer. I found cute lamp shades from Target (also on clearance) that are green and yellow floral print that work much better than the suede look.

The dresser with some fun green accents (there are green apples in the basket).

And my "Go Green" wall art (two canvases covered in this cool fabric I got at a local fabric store).

That's it! Happy Friday!

Tag! You're It!

Thanks Julie for the tag! This is my first tag! :) I answer her 8 questions, then come up with my own 8 questions and tag 8 more people. Here goes...

1. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
Telluride, CO- It's this quaint little town at the base of the mountains in Colorado that we visited this summer. It was so beautiful in the summer so I can only imagine what it looks like in the winter. And riding the gondola into town would be an awesome commute!

2. If you could have one magical item granted to you, what would the item be and what would it do? (I ask this to my students. I love the answers!)
I would have magical transport machine that would take me to the destination of my choice any given weekend and have me back to teach kindergarten on Monday. I can imagine it now... weekend trips to all my dream destinations! Oh yeah, and it would need to also do laundry. I'm not doing that after a long weekend trip to Australia!

3. If you could have dinner with one person from history, who would it be? (And where would you take them?)
I've had a really hard time with this question. I'm going to say President JFK. I've always been fascinated with him, his life, his death, and the potential he had to be one of the greatest presidents. Plus (this might sound really morbid) but he died on my birthday... about 20 something years before, of course. But still, I feel this connection. So I'd really like to meet him. I have no idea where I would take him... I'm thinking anywhere in Texas might not be agreeable to him, though.

4. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?
Bluebell Birthday Cake!

5. If you were only allowed to watch 3 movies for the rest of your life, what would they be?
Let's see. I'm going to pick from three different movie genres, so I'll take Crash for the drama, The Other Guys for comedy, and Annie the Musical just because it takes me back to my childhood.

6. Would you rather be a wizard or a vampire?
Hmm... while I'm a Twilight fan, I think I'd be a wizard to avoid the diet of vampires. But I'd have to ditch the outfit of the wizard... cone hats don't look good on me. ;)

7. What is your favorite quote, and who said it?
From Helen Keller: "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." A very fitting quote for this blog.

8. If you were offered a job you knew you would hate every second of, but they offered you a million dollars, would you take it?
I'd love to think I could handle a job I hated for the money, but I'd much rather like what I do. I mean, I am a teacher... not the highest paid profession, but I love doing what I do!

Now here are my eight questions:

1. Favorite snack at the movies- candy or popcorn?
2. Who is someone you look up to and why?
3. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?
4. Glass half-full or glass half-empty?
5. What's your favorite season of the year and why?
6. Describe your perfect date night.
7. When was the last time you were out of your comfort zone?
   
8. Wal-Mart or Target?

I'm tagging:
Penny
Mandy
Denver Laura
LJ
Kellie

I know that's only 5, but the other ones I would tag would be Rach and Foxy (who have both already been tagged) and then I'd re-tag Julie. *evil laugh* ;)

A post in which I make no sense

Even though I feel like we're so close to finally being parents, there are still so many things I struggle with because of infertility. Insecurities, mostly.

After we visited more day care centers a few weeks ago, I told D that while we were meeting with each director and were treated so nicely by them, I was struggling inside with this battle going on. I don't know if I'm going to be able to describe it in a way that really makes sense, but I'll try. Here goes...

For the past two years (and honestly, probably even before that) I have made myself feel very uncomfortable around most pregnant women, small children (I know what you're thinking- aren't you a kindergarten teacher? For some reason, that's different.), situations where parenting would come up and I might have to engage in conversation, etc. Even cute kids in restaurants made me feel uncomfortable. It's like, I lost the ability to treat these situations as normal. They were no longer that. Instead, they were anxiety-inducing. They were things that I went out of my way to avoid. Like a few weeks ago when we went out to eat with D's family for his mom's birthday and his cousin was there with his new baby. Instead of feeling excited for them and being thrilled to see the newest addition for the first time, the only thing I could think about was, "What am I supposed to do? Is everyone looking at me? Do they notice how awkward I feel?" So needless to say, the whole time we were in the day cares, I still felt uncomfortable. Like I wasn't supposed to be there. Like someone was about to tell me, "You're not a parent. You're not even pregnant. Why are you looking at day cares?" And it wasn't just an uncomfortable feeling. It was a feeling of dread. A feeling like this whole dream would come crashing down at our feet.

When we were driving home, I told D about this. And he understood. (Isn't it funny how sometimes we think-or at least I do- that our spouse is somehow immune to the feelings/anxieties that we experience?) We talked about how hard some of the things we've been through have been. The months of not knowing what was wrong. The months of trying to find out what's wrong. The figuring out what to do about what's wrong. But through it all, we never want to forget. We don't want to be that couple that- God-willing- starts building their family and loses sight of the pain and struggle we've endured. And while there are daily reminders now that we may not experience all we want to experience as far as our family goes, these will start to fade as well. Things like we may not ever have a regular baby shower. We may never pick out names for our children. We may never know what a child with our genetic makeup would look like. Act like. Be like. Become.

But at the same time, (you might think I'm sick to say this) I'm thankful for this journey. I'm thankful for the opportunity to grow in our marriage, in my faith, in my witness. Don't get me wrong- there are still times of bitterness. Of heartache. Deep, painful heartache. And as you know, those aren't just words. The pain that I feel just writing those lives up to the magnitude of the word. But I'm thankful to be feeling those feelings after such a long period of numbing myself. I'm thankful to be dealing with those emotions. And I'm thankful for the opportunity to be used because of what I've come through and am still wading through. I don't want my pain, our pain, to go to waste.

But what I do want... is to remember also what normal is like. I want to feel comfortable in parenting circles. I want to attend a baby shower without a second thought. I want to walk past maternity clothes without getting a knot in my stomach. To sum this whole confusing post up, I want to remember all I've gone through while also being able to function normally when it comes to babies. Does that make sense? Does anyone else have these conflicting feelings of who they want to become?