Happy Father's Day, D!

Three years ago this month, we embarked on this journey to become parents.  So much has happened, so many things have changed in those three years.  Enduring the news that we will never have children on our own-the traditional way, was so difficult to process, but I'm so thankful I had you by my side.  We were always a team- at appointments, adoption conferences, and finally, through 30 hours of classes last summer to get to where we are now. 

When we received the news that we were selected to be A's new foster parents, you were so excited.  We both were floored.  And as we drove the three hours to meet him the first time, we were both so nervous, even stopping at a fast food restaurant to compose ourselves before arriving at his current placement's home.  I'm so glad I have pictures to capture the larger-than-life smile plastered on your face that day.  The icing on the cake was that we were also celebrating your birthday- and it was hard for me not to remember celebrating your birthday last year, when I wanted to do anything to encourage you, cheer you up, let you know how much I appreciate you.  Would either of us ever have thought that a year later, we would be meeting our first foster placement and (hopefully) soon-to-be-adopted son?

And then, when we'd had A for two months, we receive a phone call asking if we would take his sister, and your response was, "How can we say no?"  So it was that H entered our lives, and you became an even more caring, attentive father.  This little girl has you wrapped around her finger- and I don't think there's any other place you'd rather be.  You are such a hands-on dad and I'm so thankful to have you as my partner and best friend.  Changing diapers, bathing little ones, taking A for walks when you get home and playing with him in the backyard, making bottles, rocking H to sleep, walking laps around the house to get her little eyes to finally close- the list could go on and on.  Thank you for being you and for keeping me laughing, even during the chaos.

I love you so much and am so glad your day has come.

2-0 giveaway!

I mentioned a few posts ago that I would like to do a giveaway in celebration of my blog reaching 20 followers.  When I started writing this blog, my intent was to be able to have a place where I could write about the obstacles D and I were facing, and hopefully get advice from others who had already been down this road and commiserate with those on the same journey.  And now, almost two years later, I can say that I've made great friends through this blogging community.  Your blogs have been such an inspiration to me- they have given me hope, encouragement, and brought laughter to times when all I've felt like doing was crying.

I can still remember finding Julie's blog, and waiting in anticipation with her for the results on her hubby's tests.  Through Julie's blog, I found Foxy who always writes such thoughtful and thought-provoking posts.  I found Rachel's blog (or actually, she might have found mine first, but I quickly began following her as well) and have truly felt for her as she has endured the ups and downs of this infertility roller coaster- and now I have my fingers crossed that a match will happen soon for her!  When we decided to go down the fostering road, I found Denver Laura's blog, Penelope's blog, Kelly's blog, Mandi's blog- and they have all been so helpful in providing support, knowledge, and encouraging comments.

I could mention so many more blogs (and bloggers) that have been instrumental in my continuing to come here and post.  Thank you for coming to my little blog and reading, and not only reading, but leaving comments of encouragement, support, and promises of prayers.  And now for the giveaway...

a retro red braided fabric bracelet with hand-stamped tag from theadoptshoppe, where the sale of each item goes to fund their pending adoption.  The tag will be stamped with the word hope- something I think speaks to the heart of every infertile- whether they have gone on to have children of their own, are adopting, or are currently on their own journey of overcoming the odds.

How to enter:
Leave a comment on this post with what you want your blog followers to glean from your blog.  Are you looking to inspire others?  Just needing a place to put your thoughts down?  Or maybe even more important, a place to document your journey?  One entry per person.  Giveaway will end midnight June 25th with the winner being announced the following day.  Good luck and happy blogging!

What's next for A?

A few weeks ago, Foxy asked in her comment about the process for adopting A, so I thought I'd walk you through.  First, A's situation is not typical in that he was placed in our home as a foster placement but looking for an adoptive home.  Usually children come into your home as a foster placement looking to reunite with their family or as a legally free placement (ready for adoption).  A fits in between those two categories which is helpful for us because we skipped over the 18 months he's already spent in foster care, waiting for his parents to work services.  So our waiting time until adoption isn't as long as it could have been.  All that to say, nothing's a done deal until the judge tells us we're A's parents.

Basically, we've had A for three months now.  There has been one court hearing (which we thought would get more things accomplished- I wrote about that here) with another court hearing scheduled in a few months.  After that court hearing, we wait 90 days for him to be moved into adoptive placement.  Which just means that instead of us being considered his foster home, we're would be his adoptive home.  Adoption can take place after that.  So if you do the math, we could adopt A as early as this fall, but realistically, I don't expect it to happen in 2011.   But when it does, we are celebrating big!

A continues to love people and truly doesn't know a stranger.  He tells everyone hi and bye-bye everywhere we go.  Sometimes after he's been playing quietly in his playroom, he'll come running into wherever we are and get in our face to say, "Hi!"  Then back to playing he goes!  His favorite answer to any question right now is, "No."  As in, "A, are you ready to go home?"  "No."  "Did you have fun today?"  "No."  He says it in a cute, innocent voice as of now, but I know the days of the defiant, "NO!" are right around the corner... 

When A first started calling us Mama and Da-Da, he usually used Mama more often to refer to either of us.  D would correct him and say, "No, I'm Da-Da."  I would joke with D and say A already knows who the cooler parent is- which is the furthest thing from the truth.  A has so much fun with D, whether they're mowing the lawn together, watering the grass, or D is giving him a bath- there is sure to be an abundance of laughter involved.  And now A is definitely calling for his Da-Da.  When he wakes up in the morning.  When he goes to bed at night.  When Mama tells him something he doesn't like.  ha!  D has been out of town the past two days and his absence has been noted by a little boy in our household.  He was so happy to see Da-Da last night when he walked through the door.  

And after two days of parenting solo, I was too! :)

a post in which i apologize

I'm sorry for not being the greatest commenter lately.  Our household has been super busy (I know- excuses, excuses) but with school winding down (only teacher in-service this week), I hope to be able to keep up with commenting better in the coming weeks.  (I just used parentheses twice in one sentence!)  I have been reading so I do feel like I know what's going on in everyone's lives right now.  I so appreciate your sweet comments on my recent blog posts.  I still find this blogging community so amazing in how each blogger is supported and encouraged by others facing the same struggles and (lately) triumphs!

Last week I blogged about the roller-coaster-of-a-day we had.  After I published that post, it got even better.  D received the results back from his professional engineering exam so I'll take the next few lines to brag on my hubby.  He passed!  And not only did he pass, he made the highest score in his office of the recent test-takers!  He was so happy/relieved/strutting his stuff around the house as he reveled in being done with that forever.  And I am so proud of him.  His test fell right about a month after A was placed in our home, so we were both worried that he wouldn't get enough studying done with the new distraction.  I actually think it made him study more- he denies that and likes to say something about when you got it, you got it.  I wasn't sure if he'd be able to get his big head out the door the next morning to go to work! ;)

Tomorrow night we have several friends/family coming to our house to take a SIDS/Child Development class that will be presented by T, our caseworker.  This is just one step in the process of becoming approved to babysit for us, but we are so grateful they are willing to do this.  Other things they will need to do include having a TB test done, filling out an application and signing a discipline policy and confidentiality agreement, getting and maintaining CPR/First Aid certification, and providing a copy of their driver's license.  Six different households will be represented tomorrow so we will have many to choose from for date nights this summer! :) 

And I can't believe I have 20 followers!  To think that I only know two of my followers in real life makes it even crazier!  I feel like I should have a give-away to celebrate hitting the 2-0 mark... hmm.  I'll have to think on that.  I hope and pray that the words I write are meaningful and will help someone going down this same path in some way. 

Resolution: Joy

My kindergarten class graduated and are moving on to first grade next year.  To say that I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders would be the understatement of the year.  Phew!  Today was our End-of-the-Year pool party and tomorrow when I go to school- no kids!  It will just be me and little Miss H, taking things off the wall and cleaning my room up for the summer.

Yep, did you catch that?  H did not leave us yesterday like the judge ordered.  Because the judge suspended his own orders and wants to keep her in our home.  The phone call came with this news as D was buckling her into the car seat in the caseworker's car.  Her belongings were loaded and they were ready to hit the road.  One phone call stopped all that.  And I came home to the best. surprise. ever! 

Ever since we found out she was going to be leaving our home, I clung to the resolution I made at the beginning of the year- to find joy in the journey.  To not get so caught up in only wanting to reach my destination, but to recognize that the journey I am placed on gives opportunities for growth, for trusting, for learning.  Of course, finding joy in getting A has been easy.  And finding joy in having H in our home has been super-easy too.  But finding joy in the situation that was unfolding before our eyes- not so easy.  So I told myself that things would be okay, that we'd get to see her often and keep in touch with her since we already have a relationship with the foster family she would be going to, and that in reality, this was the best-case scenario. 

And I didn't shed a tear.  Until Tuesday night when I realized that would be our last sleepless night together.  And Wednesday when my students' parents asked about her, my voice would crack as I would try to tell them what was going on.  And more tears were shed when I came home Wednesday afternoon to a quiet house, still littered with infant equipment that didn't make the trip with H (or so I thought).  As D and I stood hugging each other, my eyes surveyed our living room where her swing still stood by the window.  And her play mat still lay on our rug.  Her car seat, with the pink preemie cushion, sat empty by the door.  We stood still for a few minutes, just hugging and crying.  Not a word was said.  Then I walked into our bedroom to set my things down.  And there I saw her. 

H.  

And I started bawling.  And asked D why she was still here.  

They didn't take her.

And the tears poured out.  Tears I didn't know I had in me.  Tears of happiness that she was still here.  Tears of relief.  Tears of exhaustion from the roller coaster ride we had just endured.  Sweet, salty tears.  And when he told the whole story, more tears.  I just couldn't believe it. 

Last night as I woke to feed H in the early morning hours, I was sleepy.  My eyes squinted as they adjusted to the light in the living room.  I curled up under a blanket, cradled her in my arms, and lifted the bottle to her lips.  And I thanked God for my early morning wake-up call in the form of this tiny being He has given us to take care of for the present time.   Because as foster parents, we do not know what the next day will bring.  But we resolve to love them and care for them each minute we are blessed to spend with them as their parents. 

long time, no post

The house is quiet on this Sunday afternoon.  D has taken A with him on a Craig's List run.  The boy loves riding in daddy's truck!  Little Miss H is asleep and content on her mat by me in the living room.  These times of quiet are few and far between now, but sadly our house will be getting quieter this week.  H is being moved to the city where her mom is located to make visits more convenient.  Without telling the whole long story, we were made aware of this just in the nick of time so we could get A's former foster parents to contact the caseworker and volunteer to take her.  Thankfully, it all worked out for her to be placed in their home so we will still be able to see H and most importantly, A will be able to see his little sister.  And when we go to Key West in less than a month, we're hoping A will be able to stay with them to give him more time with his sister. 

These past three weeks of having a newborn in our home have truly been a blessing.  We will miss her so much, but we have a peace in knowing that either her mom will finally get her life back on track or she will one day join our family again.  

My first Mother's Day was so different from what I thought it might be.  Having a newborn in the house meant not going to church for us, so we enjoyed a lazy morning at home.  D was sweet to let me sleep in late that morning, and when I woke up, he had a chocolate chip pancake breakfast waiting for me.  We had a low-key day, just spending time together as a family.

School is almost out for the summer.  My last day with students is this Thursday!  I can't wait for my vacation to begin so all the fun things I have planned for A and myself to do can finally come to fruition.  Summertime with a toddler will be so much fun!  Trips to the park, the sprinkler park, the Children's Museum, the zoo, etc- we are going to have a busy summer!   And if D is lucky, we'll let him in on some of our plans.  Ha! ;)

Sorry I haven't been the most dedicated blogger.  To say the least, our household has been nothing more than organized chaos these past few weeks.  With summer vacation approaching, I'm hoping to update this thing more than I have been.  And oh, how I can't wait till A becomes ours forever so I'll finally be able to post a picture of this little boy who has stolen our hearts.  And maybe one day, you'll get to meet his sister too!

Introducing H

Sitting on the sofa.

D snoring beside me.

Heavy breathing coming through monitor 

to let me know A is still sleeping.

And the sound of the rhythmic motor of a baby swing

fills the background.

Now a yawn, a turn of a tiny head,

a little body swaddled in pink.

Her name is H 

and she came to live with us Tuesday.

One month-old and weighing in at 5 lbs,

she's A's half-sister.

And we are in love.