long time, no post

The house is quiet on this Sunday afternoon.  D has taken A with him on a Craig's List run.  The boy loves riding in daddy's truck!  Little Miss H is asleep and content on her mat by me in the living room.  These times of quiet are few and far between now, but sadly our house will be getting quieter this week.  H is being moved to the city where her mom is located to make visits more convenient.  Without telling the whole long story, we were made aware of this just in the nick of time so we could get A's former foster parents to contact the caseworker and volunteer to take her.  Thankfully, it all worked out for her to be placed in their home so we will still be able to see H and most importantly, A will be able to see his little sister.  And when we go to Key West in less than a month, we're hoping A will be able to stay with them to give him more time with his sister. 

These past three weeks of having a newborn in our home have truly been a blessing.  We will miss her so much, but we have a peace in knowing that either her mom will finally get her life back on track or she will one day join our family again.  

My first Mother's Day was so different from what I thought it might be.  Having a newborn in the house meant not going to church for us, so we enjoyed a lazy morning at home.  D was sweet to let me sleep in late that morning, and when I woke up, he had a chocolate chip pancake breakfast waiting for me.  We had a low-key day, just spending time together as a family.

School is almost out for the summer.  My last day with students is this Thursday!  I can't wait for my vacation to begin so all the fun things I have planned for A and myself to do can finally come to fruition.  Summertime with a toddler will be so much fun!  Trips to the park, the sprinkler park, the Children's Museum, the zoo, etc- we are going to have a busy summer!   And if D is lucky, we'll let him in on some of our plans.  Ha! ;)

Sorry I haven't been the most dedicated blogger.  To say the least, our household has been nothing more than organized chaos these past few weeks.  With summer vacation approaching, I'm hoping to update this thing more than I have been.  And oh, how I can't wait till A becomes ours forever so I'll finally be able to post a picture of this little boy who has stolen our hearts.  And maybe one day, you'll get to meet his sister too!

Introducing H

Sitting on the sofa.

D snoring beside me.

Heavy breathing coming through monitor 

to let me know A is still sleeping.

And the sound of the rhythmic motor of a baby swing

fills the background.

Now a yawn, a turn of a tiny head,

a little body swaddled in pink.

Her name is H 

and she came to live with us Tuesday.

One month-old and weighing in at 5 lbs,

she's A's half-sister.

And we are in love.

I'm back!

At school that is!  And this banner welcomed me two weeks ago when I walked into my classroom.  My students are excited, which is really sweet, while I continue to count down the days left until summer.  After 10 days back at school, I've come to an earthshaking conclusion:

Being a working mom is hard.  And exhausting.

I know, I know.  You never saw that one coming!  But I am so thankful to have A in my life and to have a job doing something that I love (most days, at least) when so many teachers in my state are losing their jobs due to budget cuts. 

While D and I are at work, A has started attending daycare close to our home and my job.  He has done (thankfully) so well adjusting to spending more time away from us.  Each day, we get a report on what he's eaten, how long he napped, what part of the day he enjoyed, etc.  They also tell us his disposition- A gets 'happy' everyday.  And that's just what he is.  A happy little boy.

Last week we made a trip to A's former city for a court hearing.  Forgive me for speaking in code, but let's just say we thought the hearing would result in two hurdles being cleared.  However, only one hurdle was cleared and it was heartbreaking to watch.  The other hurdle is set to be cleared in early August.  Thinking about how far away August is and how many things can change in that time has definitely made us anxious.  But worrying about that will do nothing for the situation (and will only give us gray hair)- so we've both committed to enjoying each and every day we have with A and not worrying about what the future holds.  Easier said than done some days, but a commitment nonetheless.

While we had a busy Easter holiday, the fact was not lost on either of us that we were celebrating our first holiday as a family of three.  And celebrate it we did!  We had an Easter egg hunt with D's parents Thursday night when they came to visit.  A's foster grandparents visited on Good Friday while my sister and her fiance came late Friday night and spent the weekend with us.  We attended our church's Good Friday service (which was amazing and truly reminded me of what the Easter season is all about- the hope we have through the sacrifice Jesus made) and the Easter Sunday service (which, again, so good!) then enjoyed a quiet Sunday afternoon playing in the pool the Easter bunny brought for A.

Thankful doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about this Easter. 
How I feel about my life. 

Nighttime Routine

Rocking in this chair:

Reading this book:

Saying "I love you".

Laying him in his crib.

Kisses.

Good night.

stream of consciousness

Today marks one month since A came to live with us.  I can't believe how fast the time has flown by... or that I'll be going back to work on Monday.  Wow.  He surprises us every day; he says new words all the time!  Of course I have my favorites I like to hear- namely Mama and Daddy (Yes!  He's finally saying Daddy!), but hearing him say "pig", "teeth", "cheese", "duck", "hi", "bye", etc. are all exciting, too!

What's up with all the reruns on TV lately?  It feels like forever since there's been a new episode of our favorites- Community, The Office, and Modern Family.  Did the writers get Spring Fever? ;)

I would love to go away for a weekend and pull the plug.  On everything.  Phone.  Email.  TV.  Facebook.  Blogs.  Yes, I just wrote that right after talking about missing my favorite TV shows.  It's just that sometimes I feel like being 'connected' actually makes us just the opposite- disconnected.  After reading the book, "Radical", I felt like I was missing out on so much around me by being glued to the tv and computer, so I've gradually been spending more time outside.  Walking around the neighborhood.  Meeting neighbors that I hadn't yet in the three years we've lived here.  Continuing to build relationships with the neighbors we do know.  Not so that I'll know their names, but so we can get involved in their lives and truly get to know them.  But I still have so far to go.

PETA- I can not believe them.  Wow.  The irony of 'honoring' National Infertility Awareness week by giving away a free vasectomy- it's such a slap in the face.  Actually, it's more like being kicked in the stomach when you've already been knocked to the ground.  If you have no idea what I'm talking about, go here and read her post and correspondence with PETA.  And I really liked the suggestions this blogger gave.  A vasectomy?  Really?  And in honor of?  You've got to be kidding.

Easter Egg Cake by Picky Palate.

A's first foster parents are coming for their first visit in a few weeks- Good Friday, actually.  I'm really excited to see them and for them to see A.  I saw the recipe for this cake this week and I think it'll be perfect to make to have while they're here.  Doesn't that look like such a fun cake to eat?

Ok, I think this post has been random enough.  If you think about it tomorrow, say a prayer for D.  He has been studying since January for his big exam to become a licensed engineer- and the test is tomorrow.  He will be so relieved to have it over and even more relieved if he passes it!  Just pray for a 70!

Wonderful Weekend

Friday night, D and I enjoyed a quiet evening at home.  We grabbed Chick fil-a for dinner, put A down for the night, watched TV and even got some laundry done.  It's a new version of our Fridays, but one that we enjoy all the same.  :)

Saturday was my nephew's first birthday party, so we made the day trip to see my family and celebrate with all the cousins, aunts, uncles, and countless friends who have supported and encouraged my sister and her family this past year.  The party was amazingly done.  My sister was so thoughtful and deliberate in her planning of the party.  My favorite detail of the party was having each member of her family (including her five and 3 year-old sons) talk about what the addition of G has taught them.  Of course, her boys don't know that anything is different about G, but it was still tear-jerking to read those words and see how G has already made a positive impact on their life, their priorities, and their perspective. 

Today we went to church where we tried out a class for the first time.  (Go us!)  We really enjoyed it and actually knew more people than we thought we would, so that was really cool too.  A has been behaving wonderfully for the teachers of his class and today, the girl who was 'manning' the door told us how adorable and sweet A is.  *beams*

In the plans for this week:

• visit with our caseworker 
• dentist appointment for A
• lunch with a friend and her mom
• playtime at the new daycare
• enjoy my last week as a SAHM

And I can't end this post without a huge congrats and shout out to Foxy and Augusta for their successful IVFs!  Congratulations ladies!  I'm so happy for you both!

Birthdays and Innocence

Tomorrow we're going to celebrate my nephew's first birthday!  It's hard to believe it's been a year since his birth, since this post.  I know it has been a challenging year for my sister and her husband, but they resolved early on to find joy in this little life that God has given them.  I admire her so much for her courage, her ability to handle tough situations with such grace, and the inspiration she is to those around her.  She truly is a remarkable person- and if I could be half the person she is, I'd be grateful for that! 

And don't get me started on baby G- what a cutie!  He melts your heart in seconds.  He gives precious wet kisses and is just so lovable!  And he is loved by all. 

...

On a completely different note- have you ever found yourself thinking back to a time in your life and realized you are no longer that person- that you have lost that innocence/ naivety?  (I know, what a way to break the ice, huh?) Recently, I found myself reminiscing over just that with my oldest sister.  When I asked her if she could think of a moment in time that she would like to go back to- with tears in our eyes, we both thought of the same moment...

Two summers ago, my sisters and I were on our annual Girls Weekend shopping trip.  After shopping for a few hours one morning, we found ourselves eating lunch at Chick fil-a.  My youngest sister began to lecture my sister-in-law about her ticking biological clock and it soon 'came out' that they were actually already trying to start a family.  D and I had been trying for over a year at this point and my oldest sister had just started trying to give her two boys a sibling.  Confused yet?  Basically, three out of four of us were trying to get on the baby train.  We soon all found ourselves talking about troubles we were facing or had faced in starting a family.  Then the conversation turned to names that had been picked out and what gender we thought we would have, what our nurseries would look like, if we'd find out what we were having, etc.  And that's when I said it. 

"Wouldn't it be so cool if all three of us were pregnant this Christmas?"

That's the line that, looking back, I feel so naive for saying.  See, at that point, getting pregnant and having a baby was the biggest obstacle we were facing.  And I'm not trying to downplay this- it truly is a monster of a roadblock and can cause lots of anguish.  But knowing what I know now, I would wish for much different things.  The past two years have brought pain- lots of pain, and I don't even include D's and my struggle in with that.  Compared to what my sister and sister-in-law have faced, our situation seems to be so minute.  That wish- that we would all be pregnant by that Christmas (which didn't come true, in case you were wondering) seems to be such a trivial thing to wish for now.  And I guess I find myself longing for the day when I wished for things like that, when my prayers didn't involve so many tough situations in the lives of people around me. 

Would I give anything to go back to that minute in time and just enjoy the innocence that I still had? 

Maybe for a split-second, I would.  I would love to sit in that Les's shoes, to get up from that table with the only worry of trying not to run out of spending money on the first day of the trip.  To laugh carefree- not knowing what was to come.  To enjoy that last bit of innocence.  One. more. time. 

But I have come to realize that as much as I would love to, I can't live in the past; that these tough situations that life throws at you are, in actuality, life lessons- not to skip over, not to stay stuck in, but to learn from. 

And, maybe most importantly, to move on. 

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5

*While I've written about my sister's situation, I choose not to write about my sister-in-law's for privacy concerns.