And don't get me started on baby G- what a cutie! He melts your heart in seconds. He gives precious wet kisses and is just so lovable! And he is loved by all.
...
Two summers ago, my sisters and I were on our annual Girls Weekend shopping trip. After shopping for a few hours one morning, we found ourselves eating lunch at Chick fil-a. My youngest sister began to lecture my sister-in-law about her ticking biological clock and it soon 'came out' that they were actually already trying to start a family. D and I had been trying for over a year at this point and my oldest sister had just started trying to give her two boys a sibling. Confused yet? Basically, three out of four of us were trying to get on the baby train. We soon all found ourselves talking about troubles we were facing or had faced in starting a family. Then the conversation turned to names that had been picked out and what gender we thought we would have, what our nurseries would look like, if we'd find out what we were having, etc. And that's when I said it.
"Wouldn't it be so cool if all three of us were pregnant this Christmas?"
That's the line that, looking back, I feel so naive for saying. See, at that point, getting pregnant and having a baby was the biggest obstacle we were facing. And I'm not trying to downplay this- it truly is a monster of a roadblock and can cause lots of anguish. But knowing what I know now, I would wish for much different things. The past two years have brought pain- lots of pain, and I don't even include D's and my struggle in with that. Compared to what my sister and sister-in-law have faced, our situation seems to be so minute. That wish- that we would all be pregnant by that Christmas (which didn't come true, in case you were wondering) seems to be such a trivial thing to wish for now. And I guess I find myself longing for the day when I wished for things like that, when my prayers didn't involve so many tough situations in the lives of people around me.
Would I give anything to go back to that minute in time and just enjoy the innocence that I still had?
Maybe for a split-second, I would. I would love to sit in that Les's shoes, to get up from that table with the only worry of trying not to run out of spending money on the first day of the trip. To laugh carefree- not knowing what was to come. To enjoy that last bit of innocence. One. more. time.
But I have come to realize that as much as I would love to, I can't live in the past; that these tough situations that life throws at you are, in actuality, life lessons- not to skip over, not to stay stuck in, but to learn from.
And, maybe most importantly, to move on.
Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5
*While I've written about my sister's situation, I choose not to write about my sister-in-law's for privacy concerns.
So much changes. This is a great post and makes me recall so many expectations and conversations from the past that exemplify the innocence and naivety that I will never regain. I also find myself amazed constantly at the way that I react to situation, reactions that I never could have predicted or expected. Sometimes I feel like the more I grow, the less I actually know.
ReplyDeleteIf there is any lesson to be learned out of these memories I can only find that it is to appreciate as much as we can and live in the moment as much as possible, to honor the here and now for exactly what it is. From what I know about you Les, I feel like you are very thoughtful and present kind of gal. I love that about you!