Procrastinating

This week has been exhausting! And it's only Tuesday. Today when I got home from school, I collapsed on the couch. And haven't gotten up yet. Thankfully, D knows how to cook a delicious breakfast dinner. Because that's what I sweet-talked him into doing.

And now he's doing the dishes!

I should use the energy I've saved from not having to cook dinner or clean up afterward to cross some items off my to-do list. Like our Christmas cards. Or finishing getting started wrapping gifts. But instead, I'm blogging. Checking face.book. Reading another article about Muschamp going to Florida (holds back tears). Looking at my to-do list to see if anything has checked itself off. Nope!

As always happens this time of the year, but especially this year, I've spent a lot of time looking back to where we were last year. In the midst of the toughest months of our lives. But I also like to think back to the years before that. Because we didn't always have problems identifying ourselves by our infertility. We were a hopeful couple-innocent, naive- to the journey that was ahead of us. Which is why I'm so glad we did this last year:

photo taken by my talented sister-in-law

No, we're not professional ice skaters (as if you needed help figuring that out). And yes, D did get teased by some of our friends about the photos. These are the pictures we sent out in our Christmas cards last year. Was this the happiest time of our life? No. But having these pictures captured that even in those difficult times, when we weren't sure if we would be able to have a biological family, that we could still have fun together. That we did still have fun together. That what was happening in our calendars- the appointments, referrals, and additional appointments- did not define who we were.

At the end of the day, we were still D and Les. A (self-proclaimed) fun-loving couple.

And I'm off to finish the dishes D left for me to do. :)

see you later

Today I say good-bye to my homeroom mom-turned-sarcastic friend-turned amazing source of advice and support through this whole stinky journey. Her husband is taking a job in Minnesota, so they are moving there over Christmas break.

I can still remember one of the first times I met with her, before the school year started, and after talking about events, sign-up sheets, etc., the conversation turned to how she and her husband adopted their daughter (my future student) from China. I remember telling her how I felt God had placed adoption on my heart, and more specifically, China. She probably heard people tell her that all the time, and I can remember thinking, "She doesn't believe me." D and I had started trying to start our family two months before this meeting.

Fast forward a year and a half

Remember this post from January? She was the face.book friend who sent me the adoption conference invitation. I said it then, but I'll say it again. She had no idea that we were having issues starting a family. In fact, we hadn't even talked about adoption since that first meeting. But she sent the invitation. And we accepted. It sounds so cliche, but our lives are forever changed.

A,
Thank you so much for your support, your prayers, your encouragement, your courage to ask tough questions. Thank you for being someone in the flesh who understands what we're going through. What I'm going through. Thank you for caring, for making me laugh, for joining me in my sarcastic ways. I am so grateful for being able to call you my friend. And this is no good-bye. Just a see you later.
Les

This is a dumb question, but anyone else having holiday blues? I've made it harder on myself by truly believing that this Christmas would be different. And it's not. And that's so hard. It's been a long time since IF has made me cry, but I've been shedding many a tear lately.

I'm praying for each and every one of you- those that are still on this side and those that have crossed to the other side, because I know sometimes, even that can't heal IF.

Year In Review

My Co-Workers Rock!

a party for us
celebrating our journey
waiting for the call

The party was amazing. I am so grateful to work in a place where I feel close as family to many of my coworkers. The invitation asked for gift cards to be given in place of the normal baby shower gifts- since we don't know the age or gender of the child we'll be taking care of and we didn't want the shower to be specific to one child that might only be with us for a few days/weeks. Everyone was so generous and even more special were the notes they wrote in their cards. I've decided to keep the notes in some type of book as a memento. Their words were more encouraging than they'll probably ever know.

And that rocking chair in the picture above? Yeah, it's been on my wish list since I first saw it here last Spring... before I knew I would be decorating a nursery so soon. And three very special friends had it waiting for me at the party today. I think when I saw it, I reverted back to my childhood way of shaking my hands and jumping up and down from excitement. Just think, if I get that excited over a chair, what will I do when we get the call and take our first placement? There will be tears of joy!

And lots of jumping up and down.

What the heck- I'll probably run a few laps around the house, too. You know, to get in shape for keeping up with a baby. ;)

haiku and bullets

Three weeks till Christmas (break)
Foster shower tomorrow
Things are looking up!

• I've been trying really hard to find contentment in the here and now. I have a bad habit of wishing days, weeks, months away. And I don't want to look back on this time and not have any lasting memories. Yes, I know my haiku really goes against what I just wrote. But a girl has to be excited about something, right?

• I did not want to wake up this morning. I wanted to sleep the day away. Never mind those kindergarten students who are eager to talk to their friends learn. I wanted to pull the covers back over my head and sleep till my body told me to wake up, not the radio playing on our alarm. But I found myself repeating, "This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." And I got up. After hitting the snooze button. Twice.

• We were (almost)parents... our first placement call came a week ago for a 1 month-old and 2 1/2 year-old. While it was a heartbreaking decision to make, we had to tell them no. At this point, with no parenting experience at all, that seemed like a lot to take on. We are licensed to take sibling groups, but have really been hoping and praying that we could start out with a single child. The call came the day after my birthday while we were on our way to my parents' house to celebrate with a few of my siblings. Needless to say, after turning them down I cried off and on the rest of the way while D was silent. The placement coordinator was really sweet and reassured me that they "would get us a kiddo soon," but our decision has weighed heavily on my mind ever since.

My (not a chance!) Christmas List:

• These boots
  

• This new camera to document our foster parent journey
  

• This crafty cutting machine that would make projects so easy and fun!
  

Hey, a girl can dream!

On my 25th birthday...

...which also happens to take place Thanksgiving week, I'm so thankful that:

I've got a great husband of 6 1/2 years who has been my best friend through some really tough times.
I've got a great support system of friends, who I can call on at any time, even when I've forgotten football tickets at home and still want to go to the game an hour late or when I get the itch to make a new wreath.
I've got a great family that I'm going to celebrate with tomorrow and meet my newest niece! My sisters are some of my best friends- I love spending time with them.
I've got awesome in-laws who are taking us out for dinner tonight. But that's not the only reason they're awesome. They have been such an encouragement.
I've got a sister-in-law who doubles as a really good friend.
I've got a home that I love, in a neighborhood that I don't ever want to leave, in the suburb of a city that loves being weird. ;)
I've got a job that is tough and challenging, but I don't know what I would do without my 5 and 6 year-old friends.
I wake up every morning with the hope that today, I could become a parent.

What are you thankful for?

This Week's Top Ten

10. Celebrated my birthday at the faculty meeting
9. One of my student's solved a problem on his own... using my words! It was so cute.
8. Same student informed me it was time to change another student's color... he's a clever one. He was just happy it wasn't him needing to change his color!
7. Longhorn basketball! We beat Illinois last night, but lost to Pitt tonight. The team is young, but they're playing their hearts out... maybe our football team can take notes?
6. Speaking of football, D and I are going to see them play FAU tomorrow. One of my student's parents gave us tickets for my birthday.
5. I got bacon for my birthday... haha. That's gonna need an explanation, isn't it? Every Friday, my students and I have a conversation about the things you get to do on Saturday that you don't on school days... basically, sleep in, watch cartoons, and eat a big breakfast. I always joke with them and tell them that if they have bacon for breakfast Saturday morning, they are to call me and invite me over. So today one of my students walks in with his gift for me- and it's a package of bacon! It took me a few minutes to figure it out, but once I did, I laughed so hard.
4. My class blessed me with lots of good gift cards, balloons, flowers, etc. They really made me feel special.
3. One of my parents brought me lunch from Chick fil-a. Yum!
2. My close friends at work are throwing me a gift card foster/adopt shower. I got the evite yesterday and immediately felt so loved. The rsvps contained some of the sweetest comments. I'm really grateful for the family-like environment of my school.
1. We submitted our home study for a child who is available for adoption. Ahh! We're not getting our hopes up at all because families all over the state will be submitting theirs as well, but the one thing we have working for us is that the office released the details of the child yesterday and home studies were due today. I say all that, and then have to remind myself that we are totally trusting God on this. As we were sitting by the computer last night, looking at the child's picture and trying to figure out what to do, D finally said, "Les, if this is the child God has for us, then we'll get it. If not, we won't. Let's just submit it." Okay!

Oh yeah- and Thanksgiving break starts Monday! Happy Thanksgiving!