all of me

I first heard this song not long after a particular court date in October, where our world kinda came crashing down around us- and the possibility of H leaving our home became very real.  The lyrics made such an impression on me, I looked the song up on iTunes and downloaded it right away.  After listening to it on repeat for several days during my breaks in my classroom, I started writing down the things that came to my mind about H while this song played.  What each line meant to me.  What I wanted to mean to her.  I began to compose a post, but life interfered and I never got around to finishing it.  A few days ago, I was listening to my iTunes when the song came on.  I remembered this post that I never finished and knew I had to complete it.  Before I forgot the emotions I felt.  Before I forgot the words I wanted to write.  So this post has been a work in progress- but one I'm glad to be publishing.  Finally.

Scroll to the bottom and click play on the video to listen to the lyrics while you read the post.

All of Me

Matt Hammitt

Afraid to love something that could break

Will you stay with us forever?  

Could I move on

Could I eat, sleep, love again?
If you were torn away?

How could I live without your presence in my life?  I love you so much already.And I'm so close to what I can't control

Your tiny fingers, twirling my hair.  Your toothless smile.  Your giggles.I can't give you half my heart

And pray He makes you whole

Oh what I would do to keep you with us.  Forever.

(Chorus)
You're gonna have all of me

Every minute.  Every second. 
You're gonna have all of me

When you take your first step.  When you stumble and fall. 
'Cause you're worth every falling tear

Even when loving you is painful.  Even if you pull away from me as you grow older.  Even if you miss the life you might have had with your biological mother. 
You're worth facing any fear

I will love you even when I'm told you're being taken away. 
You're gonna know all my love

I will trust.
Even if it's not enough

Even when we're facing good-bye. 
Enough to mend our broken hearts

When things don't go our way. 
But giving you all of me is where I'll start

I promise to always love you with every fiber of my being.

I won't let sadness steal you from my arms

I will be strong for you.  I will be your protector.

I won't let pain keep you from my heart

You are worth more.
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose

My heart.
For every moment I share with you
Your excitement at seeing your brother.  Your Daddy.  Me.   

You're gonna have all of me

Every minute.  Every second. 
You're gonna have all of me

Every nightmare.  Every stormy night. 
'Cause you're worth every falling tear

The tears of joy when you stay.  You're here! 
You're worth facing any fear

Whatever.  It. Takes.
You're gonna know all my love

I will never stop.  Ever.  I love you.
Even if it's not enough

Even when I fall short. 
Enough to mend our broken hearts

When life is tough.  When questions go unanswered.  When our hearts break.
But giving you all of me is where I'll start

Always and forever.

Heaven brought you to this moment, it's too wonderful to speak

I'm speechless with how undeserving I feel to be your Mama.  You are a gift from God.You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me

I've done nothing to ever deserve your presence in my life.So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed

Never looking back, never questioning, just believing.
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me

I love you, H.